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dnd
My brother, trying to explain dungeons and dragons to my mother: “It’s like telling a story, but it takes fucking ages. So one nerd says, “Holy shit, there’s a big scary dragon over there!” and the...
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Why I have low self-esteem (part two)
Me: Dad, there’s something gross on my neck. Can you take a look? My brother: Is it your face? Dad: It’s eczema. Me: I’m going to my room.
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Fucked up things my brother did to me when we were kids
told me I was adopted. punched me repeatedly. headbutted me when he broke his arm and couldn’t punch me. used my skipping ropes to tie nooses and “hanged” my dolls from the curtain rod in my room, so...
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I love my teeth. I need my teeth.
Every 6 months, I go to the dentist. My dentist’s name is Fred. He has an enormous belly and wears a white coat, so he resembles a giant pillow. I rest my head against his soft stomach while he peers...
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My brother's friends, talking about me at a party
“Have you met Skelton’s sister?” “Yeah, she’s like Skelton, but with long hair.” “She has the biting wit of Skelton, and the looks he missed out on, but she’s not as tall and she doesn’t have his...
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The day my brother died
My brother has been dead for nearly 4 years now. This is how it happened… It was a dark and stormy night during my first year of uni. But I didn’t know that, because I was drunk off my guts at some...
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My brother’s friends commentating a slide show of their exploits &...
“Oh god, we were so fucked up that night…do you guys remember?” “Nope.” “I remember Chris getting laid that night.” “Oh look, it’s those two fat chicks who sat on my bike! I’m pretty sure Chris went...
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Conversations with my mother: part six
My brother recently ripped out his shower while he was drunk and as a result, I now have to share my bathroom with him and everyone he has sex with. I complained about this to my mother and she told...
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